Abusers are long known for victim-blaming, because they never want to take responsibility. More recently a research psychologist Jennifer Joy Freyd gave this a name: DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. This is more than either “playing the victim” or victim-blaming, which we’re all capable of…

The Motivation for Narcissistic Abuse Remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and abuse exist on a continuum, ranging from silence to violence. Rarely will a narcissist take responsibility for his or her behavior. Generally, they deny their actions and augment the abuse by blaming the victim. Particularly, malignant narcissists aren’t bothered by guilt. They can…

Many people don’t realize that they’re living from their false self. Because the false self isn’t real, you might feel anxious trying to be accepted by others or believe that they can see through you or are judging you. There’s an immediacy and aliveness in living authentically. It requires presence…

The core problem in relationships with narcissists is that they prioritize power and sacrifice the relationship to get it, while their partners prioritize the relationship and sacrifice themselves to keep it Narcissists put themselves first, and so do their partners. Due to their insecurities, they constantly scan their environments and…

Individuals who are aggressive thrive on provoking and escalating conflict. They’re usually domineering and try to control the conversation. They’re distrustful, reactive, highly defensive, intense, dogmatic, and often, though not always, loud. They’re not open to alternative points of view, but are more invested in enhancing their power at your…

Our Beliefs generate thoughts, feelings, and actions. (Sometimes feelings come before thoughts.) Thus, it’s important to know our beliefs and what motivates us. Beliefs → Thoughts → Feelings→ Actions Often we believe one thing but our actions contradict our beliefs and values, so we must question what we really believe…

At its core, codependency is based in shame, insecurity, and low self-esteem. Codependents don’t love themselves or feel worthy of love, and thus have difficulty finding and keeping it. The result is that they either manufacture ways to push love away or are insecure and fear abandonment in a relationship…

A narcissistic parent behaves as they imagine themselves to be — the king or queen of the family, or someone whose activities are more important than being part of the family. As a child, your parents are your world until you’re able to leave home. Your survival and self-concept depend…

Beliefs drive behavior. Once we identify our beliefs, we can examine and challenge them, because many are based on falsehoods. Changing them helps us make huge progress in personal growth and recovery from codependency. Many codependents are hard on themselves and think in perfectionistic, black and white terms. They tend…