The overall goal of codependency recovery is to become a full-functioning individual. That entails knowing, valuing, and trusting yourself, and expressing yourself in your life and relationships. It involves a complete makeover that impacts what you believe and how you think, feel, and act. (See Stages of Codependency and Recovery.)

Codependency untreated follows the same chronic, systemic decline as does alcoholism and a disease — why some consider it to be a disease. Below is an outline of the progression of codependency symptoms and signs of recovery.

Early Stage of Codependency and Recovery

The early stage of codependency begins with becoming attached to another person and…

Codependents confuse love with drama, with intensity, with lust, with being needed, with yearning that usually leads to the pain or loss or staying in a relationship where our emotional needs are not met.

Because of childhood family dynamics, we develop mistaken ideas about ourselves, about love, and about relationships. The fact is that love needn’t hurt. We feel enough and feel safe. Love is steady, consistent, and reliable. We don’t have to earn it and keep seeking our partner’s approval.

But this requires self-love, autonomy, and assertiveness. We must be able to receive and feel worthy of it. We…

Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don’t always end the relationship. Many won’t let you go, even when it’s they who left the relationship, and even when they’re with a new partner. They won’t accept “no.”

They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce. A research study showed that narcissists and psychopaths tend to stay friends with their ex for selfish reasons. They try to stay in your life or seduce and convince you to return. …

Communication is so important that it can make or break a relationship, is critical to success, and instantly reflects your self-esteem to listeners — for better or for worse. Assertive communication commands respect, projects confidence, and inspires influence. It’s respectful, direct, honest, open, non-threatening and non-defensive. It’s not demanding, aggressive, or manipulative.

Communication is learned. With practice you can learn to be assertive. It will raise self-esteem and self-assurance and improves your relationships and performance at work.

Some people believe assertiveness is mean or sounds aggressive. But it’s not, it’s being courteous, calm, clear and concise.

One key to effective…