Healthy boundaries are essential in recovery from codependency. They both build and reflect self-esteem. Learning to have healthy boundaries is an essential aspect of individuating and becoming an individual and autonomous person. Boundaries are learned in childhood. Some dysfunctional families are enmeshed and your individuality and boundaries are ignored or…

A breakup with a narcissist might not end the relationship. Many narcissists are in long-term relationships and don’t want it to end. They’re codependent and become dependent on their partner. They may try to lure you back with “hoovering.” Even ending a shorter relationship that they didn’t initiate will be…

When we first met, I told my husband I was very adaptable. I didn’t realize the price of being a chameleon until I started recovery and my journey of individuation. By then I was dead inside. I’d spent years adapting to abuse and belittling that I’d absorbed. …

Most of these signs stem from three things, which are core symptoms of codependency: Shame and low self-esteem 2. Lack of boundaries 3. Lack of communication skills Shame Due to dysfunctional parenting and/or childhood trauma, when we receive or infer shameful messages about who we are, it can shape our whole…

A recent New York Times article entitled “Codependency Is a Toxic Myth in Addiction Recovery” that touted CRAFT addiction treatment attacked the codependency movement.[1] I was angry because the author misunderstood codependency recovery and how it has helped millions of people. The following is my response: The article does not…

Although we’re powerless over an addict’s ultimate behavior, we can create circumstances that influence them to get addiction treatment. …

Everyone laughs when I tell them that I wrote Codependency for Dummies. But codependency in relationships is no laughing matter. It causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans, both in and out of relationships. I know. I spent decades recovering. There are all types of codependents, including caretakers…

Not Forgiving Often people don’t forgive because of fear — fear of being hurt again. But there are more effective means of self-protection — like having good boundaries. Holding on to anger is poison. When we hold a grudge, hostility can sabotage our ability to enjoy the present and our future relationships…

A trauma bond is an attachment to an abuser in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., coined the term in 1997. He defined it as an adaptive, dysfunctional attachment occurring in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation in order to survive. It is a…